Sunday, January 09, 2005

Jesus has made me whole again.

"Lord, my body is tired, my mind is tired, my heart is tired, my spirit is exhausted. If I am running this race it must be by your strength. I remember the promises of Isaiah 40. I need you Lord, I need you to pour out your spirit into me. Break the pains and chains of depression. It is so weird, I must learn to be an independant being, but also a dependant one Something I don't even begin to undestand the workings of."

Journal entry April 9, 2004.

that entry pretty much sums up the state of my life for most of 2003/2004. I didn't really have much hope, or entertain the idea that I really could be free from depression or anxiety.

The other night as Katie and I were driving back from a party, I was hit hard with the realization that Jesus has come in power and brought me new life. If you have read my blog for the last month or so you can see that I was heading towards this realization, but it finally hit me like a ton of bricks. I am full of Joy again. Genuine happiness is something I possess. That night I spent over five hours at a party where I didn't know too many people and I was able to enjoy myself, without the social anxiety that normally sets in within a couple of hours. This is MAJOR for me.

My grandfather in Florida even made not eof a difference in the sound of my voice yesterday as we talked on the phone.
Hope does exist, it is a gift of the Lord. I still face many problems and issues, but I have a sense of what Jesus is doing now. Praise the Lord!

On a different note, Last night we went to see a performance by The Groundlings. They are similar to Second City and are an improv/sketch comedy group. People lke Phil Hartman, Will Ferrell, Lisa Kudrow and others have all worked there in the past. It was so much fun. There were a few sketches that were a little over the top, but for the most part the show was quite clean which was refreshing. But anyway...things are going well here and I am happy. :)